Every once in a while when I feel like my life is going in too many directions or I feel like I am beginning to lose focus, it always helps me to think about my priorities and what is absolutely most important in my life.
When I was younger, marrying the right person was first and foremost in my mind. If was to get married, it absolutely had to be to the right person. I remember being unable to sleep the night before my wedding not because I was so excited, but because all could think about was - am I marrying the right man? Not until after we were married did I focus on the fact that it wasn't so much that I married the right person (which thankfully I did!) but that I BE the right person, especially as not so lovely aspects of my character made themselves known.
When our children started coming along, I remembering obsessing over being the perfect parent, the best mom I could be! Of course, the fact that I was not perfect made that goal impossible to achieve. Years ago I remember attending a pastor's conference with Larry Crabb and Dan Allender. I distinctly remember one of them saying this, "Your parents significantly failed you and you will significantly fail your children!" Yikes!!! Not only was I not a perfect parent, but my children would very possibly end up in counseling some day! So being the perfect parent raising perfect children wouldn't happen, but that thought made me begin to change my focus from thinking I had to be a perfect parent to being the right kind of person, which would most definitely impact the way I treated my children.
Now our children are grown and leaving the nest and living independent lives which is God's plan for our children and for us. But often I find myself asking - why am I here, what is my purpose, what is God's will for my life now? Am I fulfilling God's plan for my life, what if I never accomplish what He has placed me here to do? Am I missing something - should I be caring for the orphans and widows and if so how? Should I be working a full time job so we have something in savings when we retire, should I begin a mega ministry of hospitality not to mention prayer......and on and on. And in the middle of those thoughts I still hear this quiet voice saying, it's not what you accomplish Bonnie, but who you are in the process. It is still all about being the right person.
One of my favorite quotes is from A W Tozer and is this, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." And why? Because those thoughts directly impact the way we live our lives. Hard thoughts about God keep us from trusting Him when the hard times come, which they have and will. Small thoughts about God open us up to worshiping all kinds of substitutes for Him that will not satisfy or have any lasting value or impact - entertainment, money, success, beauty, the wisdom of man. But, great thoughts about God produce in us a wisdom that the world cannot mimic or duplicate and give us the ability to stand firm in all of the circumstances of life. And, great thoughts of God change us and in the process of trusting produce a beauty and sweetness in us that is ageless and eternal.
There is no formula for being the right person - it is simply making the decision to make the Lord the number one priority in life and then determining to pursue Him with all of our hearts, like the Psalmist says in Psalm 42:1, passionately - like the deer who pants for water. In the end, there is nothing more important in this life, and there is no greater gift we can give our husband or children, or the world around us. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life." And, Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, July 29, 2011
Mattresses and Milestones
Recently we replaced our old mattress - after 32 years. I never really thought about a mattress being any kind of of a life milestone, but 32 years is a long time! It is part of our history - our beginning. We bought our old mattress when I was pregnant with our first child, Mary. We were in our last year of seminary and still sleeping on a mattress that might have been considered an antique! It came with the antique bed we found at an estate sale. Well, not exactly....
34 years ago after we were married we moved to Dallas, Texas to begin four years of seminary. Initially we lived in a furnished apartment near the seminary (another story!) and after a couple of months moved to an apartment near the place I worked so I could walk and Carlon could drive our one car. We had no furniture, so we decided to hit garage sales for some deals and treasures. Surely we'd find wonderful things in Highland Park!! The day yielded almost nothing other than a few pictures, one of a stern looking Spanish soldier, another by a Japanese artist (Fujita) who painted people with 6 fingers, and two Portugese labor chairs we really couldn't sit in! We did have one last stop, an estate sale in an apartment complex off of Lemon Ave. that began at 5:00 pm. Feeling pretty discouraged we just wanted to get it over with and go home. We were the first ones there and at 5:00 sharp the door was unlocked. We walked in to an apartment full of old furniture in perfect condition! The couple never had children, and after he died she lived alone until she could no longer care for herself. Mahogany - Thomasville - and old. Antiques. Pretty soon the apartment was filling up with hungry antique dealers aware of the fact things were being sold at very good prices. The gentleman holding the sale, a friend of the owner, knew we were first - what do you want- what are you interested in? The beautiful secretary for sure, the end tables, the dining room table and chairs, the linen chest - and what about a bed and chest of drawers? He took us into the bedroom where we saw a most stately mahogany four poster bed and two chests of drawers. But they had to be purchased together. The only drawback was the chests were in bad shape and needed some work and refinishing. Our one bedroom apartment had a very small balcony with only room for one bike and a very small grill. No place to refnish anything. We were just beginning to say could we please just have the bed, when a shark, I mean dealer - standing right behind us - said, "I'll take everything." The kind gentleman had to sell the bedroom set to her, but he felt terrible for us. Come over to my house, I have something to show you that I think you'll really like.
I didn't get to go, I think I was working that day, but Carlon did and the gentlemen took him into his basement, rare in Dallas, and showed him a very lovely old cherry wood spindle four poster bed complete with mattress and box springs. The mattress and box springs had been custom made, a long time ago, for a man who was very tall - well over 6 feet maybe close to 7. Well, we had very little money left for furniture, so we took it, mattress and box springs and all. And slept on that old mattress for 3 years. By the time I was about halfway into my first pregnancy, sleeping was getting more and more difficult. The lumpy mattress could no longer be ignored - not even by adventurous 26 year olds! Let's try sleeping on our hide a bed. A couple of weeks of that convinced us we needed to do the noble thing and get a brand new mattress and box springs. So we went to the best place in town - Wiers Furniture Store right down the road within walking distance of our apartment- and bought the best mattress and box springs money could buy from a very convincing store salesman. Only the best for our baby! Heaven in a bed - our Sterns and Foster made us feel like a king and queen. We hung the disapproving Spaniard over our four poster spindle bed which housed our amazing mattress, and over the years added three more children to our family, made a few moves, and grew up.
I have no idea how long our mattress and box springs were guaranteed to last - but - even now they are still fairly comfortable. But these 58 year olds need FIRM and mattresses that don't wiggle when the other person does, and keeps necks, and backs and shoulders aligned. 58 year olds have needs that 26 year olds, even pregnant ones, don't have. 58 year olds really don't sleep very well and tend to wake up a lot - kind of like babies. We didn't realize any of that though until we slept on a hotel queen sized mattress. Yes - hotel. In the morning we looked at each other. Did you sleep well? Yes - I didn't even know you were there. Humm. Let's take a look at this mattress. Simmons. Really firm. We liked it. We liked it so much we decided it was finally time to say goodbye to our regal old friend who really was good to us in every way - and bought a super firm Simmons mattress and box springs. No frills - we did our homework before we shopped this time - just a good firm mattress. Our Sterns and Foster is now a wonderful guest bed - and our Simmons has taken it's place. If this one lasts as long as the last one, and I doubt that it will, we will be 90! I doubt that WE will last that long. But it's with a sad fondness I say goodbye to our dear friend who saw us through very good years - our growing up with children years. Lots of wonderful memories - bittersweet. Thankful, and yet, sad. Who knows what our Simmons will see us through in these graying years? Don't really like to think about it too much actually. But I trust it too will be a good friend.
34 years ago after we were married we moved to Dallas, Texas to begin four years of seminary. Initially we lived in a furnished apartment near the seminary (another story!) and after a couple of months moved to an apartment near the place I worked so I could walk and Carlon could drive our one car. We had no furniture, so we decided to hit garage sales for some deals and treasures. Surely we'd find wonderful things in Highland Park!! The day yielded almost nothing other than a few pictures, one of a stern looking Spanish soldier, another by a Japanese artist (Fujita) who painted people with 6 fingers, and two Portugese labor chairs we really couldn't sit in! We did have one last stop, an estate sale in an apartment complex off of Lemon Ave. that began at 5:00 pm. Feeling pretty discouraged we just wanted to get it over with and go home. We were the first ones there and at 5:00 sharp the door was unlocked. We walked in to an apartment full of old furniture in perfect condition! The couple never had children, and after he died she lived alone until she could no longer care for herself. Mahogany - Thomasville - and old. Antiques. Pretty soon the apartment was filling up with hungry antique dealers aware of the fact things were being sold at very good prices. The gentleman holding the sale, a friend of the owner, knew we were first - what do you want- what are you interested in? The beautiful secretary for sure, the end tables, the dining room table and chairs, the linen chest - and what about a bed and chest of drawers? He took us into the bedroom where we saw a most stately mahogany four poster bed and two chests of drawers. But they had to be purchased together. The only drawback was the chests were in bad shape and needed some work and refinishing. Our one bedroom apartment had a very small balcony with only room for one bike and a very small grill. No place to refnish anything. We were just beginning to say could we please just have the bed, when a shark, I mean dealer - standing right behind us - said, "I'll take everything." The kind gentleman had to sell the bedroom set to her, but he felt terrible for us. Come over to my house, I have something to show you that I think you'll really like.
I didn't get to go, I think I was working that day, but Carlon did and the gentlemen took him into his basement, rare in Dallas, and showed him a very lovely old cherry wood spindle four poster bed complete with mattress and box springs. The mattress and box springs had been custom made, a long time ago, for a man who was very tall - well over 6 feet maybe close to 7. Well, we had very little money left for furniture, so we took it, mattress and box springs and all. And slept on that old mattress for 3 years. By the time I was about halfway into my first pregnancy, sleeping was getting more and more difficult. The lumpy mattress could no longer be ignored - not even by adventurous 26 year olds! Let's try sleeping on our hide a bed. A couple of weeks of that convinced us we needed to do the noble thing and get a brand new mattress and box springs. So we went to the best place in town - Wiers Furniture Store right down the road within walking distance of our apartment- and bought the best mattress and box springs money could buy from a very convincing store salesman. Only the best for our baby! Heaven in a bed - our Sterns and Foster made us feel like a king and queen. We hung the disapproving Spaniard over our four poster spindle bed which housed our amazing mattress, and over the years added three more children to our family, made a few moves, and grew up.
I have no idea how long our mattress and box springs were guaranteed to last - but - even now they are still fairly comfortable. But these 58 year olds need FIRM and mattresses that don't wiggle when the other person does, and keeps necks, and backs and shoulders aligned. 58 year olds have needs that 26 year olds, even pregnant ones, don't have. 58 year olds really don't sleep very well and tend to wake up a lot - kind of like babies. We didn't realize any of that though until we slept on a hotel queen sized mattress. Yes - hotel. In the morning we looked at each other. Did you sleep well? Yes - I didn't even know you were there. Humm. Let's take a look at this mattress. Simmons. Really firm. We liked it. We liked it so much we decided it was finally time to say goodbye to our regal old friend who really was good to us in every way - and bought a super firm Simmons mattress and box springs. No frills - we did our homework before we shopped this time - just a good firm mattress. Our Sterns and Foster is now a wonderful guest bed - and our Simmons has taken it's place. If this one lasts as long as the last one, and I doubt that it will, we will be 90! I doubt that WE will last that long. But it's with a sad fondness I say goodbye to our dear friend who saw us through very good years - our growing up with children years. Lots of wonderful memories - bittersweet. Thankful, and yet, sad. Who knows what our Simmons will see us through in these graying years? Don't really like to think about it too much actually. But I trust it too will be a good friend.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
When God is Silent
Once a quarter we have the wonderful privilege of making a trip to Omaha. Carlon is on the board of Grace University and that means I get to spend quality time with my daughter and son in law and grandsons! We generally get to visit the Children's Museum and the fabulous Henry Doorley Zoo, eat a couple of great meals out - Smash Burger, La Casa Pizza, and have Saturday morning donuts from Mrs. Olson's shop in "Little Italy" where my husband grew up. Truly the most amazing donuts anywhere! I love my daughter and son in law's home - a grand old 100 year old two story in the historic Hanscomb Park neighborhood. It's right down the road from Gerald Ford's birthplace, close to downtown - with character hard to find in the suburbs. I love taking walks when we are there - tree covered streets and sidewalks, squirrels that have the run of the neighborhood (people actually attach squirrel feeders to their trees!), homes of all shapes and colors and sizes (some have picket fences enclosing their front yards) and rich with stories from a long forgotten era. It's sometimes loud (they live on a bus route and thoroughfare) and yet, peaceful. I love it.
The past two years, Mary and Aaron have been on an international adoption journey. Almost a year ago they were matched with a little baby girl who was chosen just for them. They awaited word for when they could travel thousands of miles and many hours and finally meet their little girl. The time came, they stood before a judge - only to be told they were not approved and their return visit to bring her home put on hold. Not because of anything lacking on their part but because of an investigation that put all adoptions on hold. So, sadly yet hopeful, they returned home - and continued to wait and pray for an end to the investigation and word that they were approved and could bring their baby home. Maybe we're not exercising enough faith - maybe we should fast - maybe we need to pray for her more diligently - maybe we're not claiming promises - maybe our doubts are getting in the way - maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe God isn't listening. Maybe....God doesn't care. And then, word came that the investigation was over! Those waiting for adoptions to be finalized would finally get to bring their babies home - just a few more days, maybe just a few weeks. One by one, friends they met on this journey were approved, but still no word about their baby. And then, another snag - another dilemma, one their case worker had never experienced, only heard about. Rare. Really God? More prayers - another crisis solved and more problems averted. But still they wait, with hearts that ache to once again hold their baby girl. Her room is all ready with carefully chosen decorations both old and new, a reflection of a lifetime of hopes and dreams. One of my favorite things are the pastel butterflies that seem to be flying away above her crib. Butterflies - new life, freedom - hope! Her birthday is coming up. This baby will soon be a toddler! We hang on to what we know is true - God is good. He may be silent for now, but He is good. He loves our little girl with a love that is humanly impossible to comprehend. And - He loves us too. The grand old house in the beautiful old neighborhood with a very special family is ready, along with an entire community of relatives and friends who have never met but already love her. So we rest in His silence and continue waiting- for Hope.
Update: The very morning I published this post, Mary called with the news that their adoption papers had been signed!! Hope belongs to them now. Her birthday is today, July 30!! Happy Birthday little Hope Bezualem Shaul!
The past two years, Mary and Aaron have been on an international adoption journey. Almost a year ago they were matched with a little baby girl who was chosen just for them. They awaited word for when they could travel thousands of miles and many hours and finally meet their little girl. The time came, they stood before a judge - only to be told they were not approved and their return visit to bring her home put on hold. Not because of anything lacking on their part but because of an investigation that put all adoptions on hold. So, sadly yet hopeful, they returned home - and continued to wait and pray for an end to the investigation and word that they were approved and could bring their baby home. Maybe we're not exercising enough faith - maybe we should fast - maybe we need to pray for her more diligently - maybe we're not claiming promises - maybe our doubts are getting in the way - maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe God isn't listening. Maybe....God doesn't care. And then, word came that the investigation was over! Those waiting for adoptions to be finalized would finally get to bring their babies home - just a few more days, maybe just a few weeks. One by one, friends they met on this journey were approved, but still no word about their baby. And then, another snag - another dilemma, one their case worker had never experienced, only heard about. Rare. Really God? More prayers - another crisis solved and more problems averted. But still they wait, with hearts that ache to once again hold their baby girl. Her room is all ready with carefully chosen decorations both old and new, a reflection of a lifetime of hopes and dreams. One of my favorite things are the pastel butterflies that seem to be flying away above her crib. Butterflies - new life, freedom - hope! Her birthday is coming up. This baby will soon be a toddler! We hang on to what we know is true - God is good. He may be silent for now, but He is good. He loves our little girl with a love that is humanly impossible to comprehend. And - He loves us too. The grand old house in the beautiful old neighborhood with a very special family is ready, along with an entire community of relatives and friends who have never met but already love her. So we rest in His silence and continue waiting- for Hope.
Update: The very morning I published this post, Mary called with the news that their adoption papers had been signed!! Hope belongs to them now. Her birthday is today, July 30!! Happy Birthday little Hope Bezualem Shaul!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Desperation
Recently our daughter was here with her three little boys and we decided on the spur of the moment to go the park, the beautiful new park by Lake Overholtzer. As is often the case, little boys who hadn't needed to use the bathroom 15 minutes before while we were still at home suddenly needed to go - the whole nine miles. So Mary and the boys walked quite a distance to the most likely place to find a bathroom, in fact where a bathroom was located, only to find them locked. Then they saw a couple of portable units on the other end of the playground. After another long trek, and looking at the condition of the units, all of them decided they'd be wise to wait. Soon the boys were running and playing on the equipment, "Good." I thought "They'll be fine for a bit." Before long I saw Micah, one of my five year old twin grandsons, walk over to an area underneath one end of the jungle gym. He sat down on the ground and buried his head in his arms. I walked over to him and bending down asked what was wrong. He looked up at me, earnestly and with red eyes said, "Nana, I'm just praying that somehow we can find a bathroom!"
You know, sometimes the most mundane, everyday things can bring our worlds to a standstill and make us miserable. And our worlds are full of those kinds of things. "It's just life" you might say, "I'll... survive." True, but God cares and He is in the midst of our everyday, ordinary chaos. And He wants us to not only survive, He wants to be our strength and help every step of the way. He uses those times to deepen and mature us as He brings us to a place, where like Micah, we finally bury our heads in our arms and say "Lord, I need You!!" God cares about you and me.
So, He cares. Then, why doesn't He fix everything and change our circumstances? Why doesn't He make life perfect for us? You know, Micah didn't find another bathroom, one didn't fall from the sky or arrive on a heavenly truck. In fact he and Eli and our daughter went back to the filthy portable unit - and survived - with STRICT instructions not to touch anyone or anything until after a bath which followed not long after!
God says to you and to me, if you let Me, I'll walk with you every step of the way, through every season, valley, and storm of life. Oh and by the way, not only will I walk with you, I will carry you - no matter how filthy you get. And the miracle is, He may not change our life circumstances but He will change us. And that is what matters most of all.
Psalm 62:1-2 (NLT) "I wait quietly before God, for my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my fortress, where I will never be shaken."
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
You know, sometimes the most mundane, everyday things can bring our worlds to a standstill and make us miserable. And our worlds are full of those kinds of things. "It's just life" you might say, "I'll... survive." True, but God cares and He is in the midst of our everyday, ordinary chaos. And He wants us to not only survive, He wants to be our strength and help every step of the way. He uses those times to deepen and mature us as He brings us to a place, where like Micah, we finally bury our heads in our arms and say "Lord, I need You!!" God cares about you and me.
So, He cares. Then, why doesn't He fix everything and change our circumstances? Why doesn't He make life perfect for us? You know, Micah didn't find another bathroom, one didn't fall from the sky or arrive on a heavenly truck. In fact he and Eli and our daughter went back to the filthy portable unit - and survived - with STRICT instructions not to touch anyone or anything until after a bath which followed not long after!
God says to you and to me, if you let Me, I'll walk with you every step of the way, through every season, valley, and storm of life. Oh and by the way, not only will I walk with you, I will carry you - no matter how filthy you get. And the miracle is, He may not change our life circumstances but He will change us. And that is what matters most of all.
Psalm 62:1-2 (NLT) "I wait quietly before God, for my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my fortress, where I will never be shaken."
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Little Girl's Dream
Our daughter Mary and her husband Aaron, and their three little boys (four year old twins Micah and Eli and two year old Isaac) are in the process of adopting a little baby girl from Ethiopia. Mary has her nursery just about ready - just a few little touches here and there are all that need to be done. One of the sweet pictures on the wall is an oval, silver framed picture from a calendar she had as a little girl. It is one of her treasures. It is an artist's illustration of a little African American girl surrounded by all of her favorite things, and the look on her face is one of pure joy. Then Mary pulled out of the closet her Bitty Baby American Girl doll she received for Christmas when she was about 10 years old. It too is an African American baby and again, one of her treasures.
When Mary was little, around the age of four or five, I remember watching something on television with her about children in an African country who were starving due to a famine in that area. It touched the whole family, but Mary especially was moved. She wanted to fill up airplanes with clothes and food and take them to the little children and help them - right now! Her desire to in some way go and help children who were orphaned whether here or overseas never really materialized during her growing up years, but it was a dream that never left her heart.
Fast forward about 16 years and Mary met and fell in love with a man with a heart for the world. Aaron did a missions internship when he was a student at Grace University for nine months in Kenya. Even though he now is a partner in Cornerstone Remodeling and works long hard hours, he has over the years headed up several missions trips for his church to Zambia where they have helped start an orphanage, as well as trips to Haiti and Mexico. They began saving from the very beginning of their marriage for something missions related - maybe with the hope of one day serving overseas. They've done without many things, been happy with used, rescued, renovated and now live in a 100 year old house, are raising three little boys, while saving for a dream.
Then, one day Mary began reading blogs of those had adopted children from other countries. More and more she began to think, maybe we could do this too. She and Aaron began thinking and praying and about a year and a half ago began the long and difficult process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. The journey is almost complete. They've been matched with a little baby girl they have named Hope, and are in the gut wrenching waiting period - waiting to hear from the courts in Ethiopia about when they will be able to make their first trip over to legally adopt their little girl. Of course, it won't be the end of the story. It will just be the beginning. But, it is the culmination of a dream that began in the heart of a little four or five year old girl so many years ago.
You see, God was at work in the heart of my child. In the busyness and "hurry up-edness" of life, most of the time as a busy mom I was charging ahead - doing the next thing, making sure everyone was clothed and fed and lived in a fairly clean house. As a young mom I was focused on raising children who would be contributers, have good manners, and hopefully not embarrass me too much! But, forgetting or perhaps not really thinking about the fact that in the swirl of life, here was a little person with hopes and dreams as big as mine. And, even if I didn't pay very much attention to the intimacies of her heart - noticed and loved by the same big God who noticed and loved me. And, He had a plan that began long before Mary was ever born.
Hope was born to a poor teenage Ethiopian mother, but in eternity past, she was chosen for Mary. Soon, the little girl who ached to hold and help those babies who lived so far away, will be holding and rocking little baby Hope - as her mother.
Matthew 19:14 - "But Jesus said, "'Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.'"
When Mary was little, around the age of four or five, I remember watching something on television with her about children in an African country who were starving due to a famine in that area. It touched the whole family, but Mary especially was moved. She wanted to fill up airplanes with clothes and food and take them to the little children and help them - right now! Her desire to in some way go and help children who were orphaned whether here or overseas never really materialized during her growing up years, but it was a dream that never left her heart.
Fast forward about 16 years and Mary met and fell in love with a man with a heart for the world. Aaron did a missions internship when he was a student at Grace University for nine months in Kenya. Even though he now is a partner in Cornerstone Remodeling and works long hard hours, he has over the years headed up several missions trips for his church to Zambia where they have helped start an orphanage, as well as trips to Haiti and Mexico. They began saving from the very beginning of their marriage for something missions related - maybe with the hope of one day serving overseas. They've done without many things, been happy with used, rescued, renovated and now live in a 100 year old house, are raising three little boys, while saving for a dream.
Then, one day Mary began reading blogs of those had adopted children from other countries. More and more she began to think, maybe we could do this too. She and Aaron began thinking and praying and about a year and a half ago began the long and difficult process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. The journey is almost complete. They've been matched with a little baby girl they have named Hope, and are in the gut wrenching waiting period - waiting to hear from the courts in Ethiopia about when they will be able to make their first trip over to legally adopt their little girl. Of course, it won't be the end of the story. It will just be the beginning. But, it is the culmination of a dream that began in the heart of a little four or five year old girl so many years ago.
You see, God was at work in the heart of my child. In the busyness and "hurry up-edness" of life, most of the time as a busy mom I was charging ahead - doing the next thing, making sure everyone was clothed and fed and lived in a fairly clean house. As a young mom I was focused on raising children who would be contributers, have good manners, and hopefully not embarrass me too much! But, forgetting or perhaps not really thinking about the fact that in the swirl of life, here was a little person with hopes and dreams as big as mine. And, even if I didn't pay very much attention to the intimacies of her heart - noticed and loved by the same big God who noticed and loved me. And, He had a plan that began long before Mary was ever born.
Hope was born to a poor teenage Ethiopian mother, but in eternity past, she was chosen for Mary. Soon, the little girl who ached to hold and help those babies who lived so far away, will be holding and rocking little baby Hope - as her mother.
Matthew 19:14 - "But Jesus said, "'Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.'"
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hope Tree
Living in Oklahoma, we experience extreme weather conditions - tornadoes, straight line winds, ice storms, heat, drought - even earthquakes! Like everyone, we clean up the messes, pick up the pieces, suffer through the heat, and deal with things the best we know how. In our backyard we have a small redbud three that has weathered just about every storm you can imagine. Twice the little tree has literally torn in two - with great branches hanging by a piece of bark, twisted and lying on the ground. After one such episode we almost cut it down. "No, please don't cut it down, yet!!" Spring rolled around, and, could it be? Yes! The little half tree had buds then leaves on it's remaining branches! Our little tree was alive and it didn't look horrible, maybe a little twisted and off center, but beautiful to me. Another winter, another ice storm - another crush of life and branches all over the ground. More pruning, more cutting, more life squashing. Lord, how much more can this little tree take?! Please, please don't let it die. Another cold winter, lots of snow, harsh cold - another spring, and - Oh my my goodness - lots of leaves on this little tree! Bent, bruised - torn - but beautiful. My little Hope Tree.
Life has it's share of storms too. Sometimes they come in waves, one right after the other, and we think how in the world are we going to make it through this? Sometimes they come crashing down on us, unexpected, harsh, almost unreal. Sometimes they are simply an undercurrent of sadness, things we can't resolve - issues that never seem to get better or go away, like a drought during a long hot summer. Life crushing, life sapping - Life. And, as I stand in front of my kitchen sink and look at our little mis-shapen tree I think - I can make it too. Losses don't have to destroy or define me but they can produce a kind of beauty in my life. I might be a little wiser, a little less self centered, and more humble in spite of being bruised and most definitely broken. Not who I was, but - beautiful. Jesus beautiful. A beauty that comes from deep inside fashioned by my heavenly Father, the one Who knows and understands and controls all of the events of my life. Who would have ever thought that bruised and broken could be beautiful? Thank you, God - and - thank you, little Hope Tree.
Psalm 51:17 -"The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."
Isaiah 42:3 - "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged."
Romans 5:3-4 - "We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Life has it's share of storms too. Sometimes they come in waves, one right after the other, and we think how in the world are we going to make it through this? Sometimes they come crashing down on us, unexpected, harsh, almost unreal. Sometimes they are simply an undercurrent of sadness, things we can't resolve - issues that never seem to get better or go away, like a drought during a long hot summer. Life crushing, life sapping - Life. And, as I stand in front of my kitchen sink and look at our little mis-shapen tree I think - I can make it too. Losses don't have to destroy or define me but they can produce a kind of beauty in my life. I might be a little wiser, a little less self centered, and more humble in spite of being bruised and most definitely broken. Not who I was, but - beautiful. Jesus beautiful. A beauty that comes from deep inside fashioned by my heavenly Father, the one Who knows and understands and controls all of the events of my life. Who would have ever thought that bruised and broken could be beautiful? Thank you, God - and - thank you, little Hope Tree.
Psalm 51:17 -"The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."
Isaiah 42:3 - "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged."
Romans 5:3-4 - "We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Few Good Men
This year has seen the passing of some pretty incredible men in my life - my father in law, my voice teacher from college, and my uncle. When I say incredible - they truly were gifted, gracious, larger than life men who impacted my life in quite specific ways. I think we are always looking for a "few good men" to be our role models and leaders, and unfortunately finding them is kind of hard these days. When God brings one into our lives, what a gift.
I knew my father in law first as an administrator and teacher. He had been at Grace for 25 years when I first knew him as a college freshman. I knew he had several children, 7 to be exact, and one was my age. Carlon was a cut above everyone else - and I know why - he had a cut above dad. His first car, his prize and joy, was a Dodge Charger - and he took exceptional care of his prize. He and his dad enjoyed working on cars together. We were waiting for his dad one day after classes, something about the car, and I'll never forget the look on Carlon's face as he looked up and saw his dad walking towards us. It was pure admiration - I've never seen anything like it. I felt a little jealous - did he look at me that way sometimes too?! Did his eyes shine like that when he saw me coming? Probably not at that time - but - wow... wow... wow. That must be one great dad. And, I can attest to the fact that he was. What a blessing to be in a family loved by such a man.
My college voice teacher, Mr. Wiebe, was a musical inspiration like no one I had ever known. My first choice of colleges was not Grace, but God had much better plans for my life! In this small school where everyone knew everyone, I found myself in a warm, nurturing environment for musical growth. Along with that a desire to glorify God with music was drilled into every practice and performance. And passion!!! Mr. Wiebe couldn't complete a rehearsal without dripping with sweat, shedding a few tears, and working us hard. It had to be perfect - and we wanted to be! I memorized every facial expression, every move he made, every cue, every breath - I internalized him! He took a chance on this incoming freshman, giving me a solo in the Christmas performance of the Messiah. Really - ME? Singing "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" with a full orchestra - it felt like an out of body experience. Had I gone to my first choice of colleges, I know that opportunity would never have been given to - me. He was direct and honest during voice lessons - but that just made me work harder. He had a beautiful bass voice. Mr. Wiebe was absolutely the best musician I had ever known. I've noticed, and so have others, that when I direct I move a LOT. And make lots of faces - expressions - is a nicer word. I feel like I go to a place deep inside, a passion, that only comes out at those times. Well - it's the inner Mr. Wiebe. I've channeled him, unknowingly by the way - but it's him you see in me. I could never change. He was simply the best.
My uncle, Buford Geddie, my Dad's second oldest brother, is probably the kindest person I have ever known. Really - the absolute kindest. He was a handsome, gifted man who loved people in a way I have rarely seen in my whole life. He had a big smile that broke across his face whenever he saw me, or anyone, and never left. I was always Bonnie Ann to my Texas relatives, and he would say when he would see me - every single time, without fail - (remember, Texas accent here) "Why Bonnie Ann! It is so good to see you darlin! How are you!?" And - he meant every word! Who means those words, really means them, most of the time? He owned I think at one time 13 pharmacies in Corpus Christi - and every customer felt like a personal friend. He loved and cared for his parents, called them "Mama" and "Daddy." He truly was a good son. I watched him. When I married, he loved my husband and eventually my children. At the age of 90, I believe he was still singing in the choir, helping out at his church, busy with activities at his retirement home. He took his daughters on an Alaskan cruise about a year ago. He was a good son, a good brother, a good husband, a good father, a good uncle, a good friend - a good man.
Now - I have raised men. I pray that they will also be good men - good husbands and fathers and brothers, and sons. I pray a lot for them, and always have. I pray that they too will leave this a world a better place than when they entered it. I pray that they will be larger than life men, who know what is important, who leave a legacy of godliness in ways that cannot be measured except by the blessings they leave in the lives of the people they touch. It's a big order, I know, but I have seen a few good men - and I know God can answer that prayer.
I knew my father in law first as an administrator and teacher. He had been at Grace for 25 years when I first knew him as a college freshman. I knew he had several children, 7 to be exact, and one was my age. Carlon was a cut above everyone else - and I know why - he had a cut above dad. His first car, his prize and joy, was a Dodge Charger - and he took exceptional care of his prize. He and his dad enjoyed working on cars together. We were waiting for his dad one day after classes, something about the car, and I'll never forget the look on Carlon's face as he looked up and saw his dad walking towards us. It was pure admiration - I've never seen anything like it. I felt a little jealous - did he look at me that way sometimes too?! Did his eyes shine like that when he saw me coming? Probably not at that time - but - wow... wow... wow. That must be one great dad. And, I can attest to the fact that he was. What a blessing to be in a family loved by such a man.
My college voice teacher, Mr. Wiebe, was a musical inspiration like no one I had ever known. My first choice of colleges was not Grace, but God had much better plans for my life! In this small school where everyone knew everyone, I found myself in a warm, nurturing environment for musical growth. Along with that a desire to glorify God with music was drilled into every practice and performance. And passion!!! Mr. Wiebe couldn't complete a rehearsal without dripping with sweat, shedding a few tears, and working us hard. It had to be perfect - and we wanted to be! I memorized every facial expression, every move he made, every cue, every breath - I internalized him! He took a chance on this incoming freshman, giving me a solo in the Christmas performance of the Messiah. Really - ME? Singing "I Know that My Redeemer Liveth" with a full orchestra - it felt like an out of body experience. Had I gone to my first choice of colleges, I know that opportunity would never have been given to - me. He was direct and honest during voice lessons - but that just made me work harder. He had a beautiful bass voice. Mr. Wiebe was absolutely the best musician I had ever known. I've noticed, and so have others, that when I direct I move a LOT. And make lots of faces - expressions - is a nicer word. I feel like I go to a place deep inside, a passion, that only comes out at those times. Well - it's the inner Mr. Wiebe. I've channeled him, unknowingly by the way - but it's him you see in me. I could never change. He was simply the best.
My uncle, Buford Geddie, my Dad's second oldest brother, is probably the kindest person I have ever known. Really - the absolute kindest. He was a handsome, gifted man who loved people in a way I have rarely seen in my whole life. He had a big smile that broke across his face whenever he saw me, or anyone, and never left. I was always Bonnie Ann to my Texas relatives, and he would say when he would see me - every single time, without fail - (remember, Texas accent here) "Why Bonnie Ann! It is so good to see you darlin! How are you!?" And - he meant every word! Who means those words, really means them, most of the time? He owned I think at one time 13 pharmacies in Corpus Christi - and every customer felt like a personal friend. He loved and cared for his parents, called them "Mama" and "Daddy." He truly was a good son. I watched him. When I married, he loved my husband and eventually my children. At the age of 90, I believe he was still singing in the choir, helping out at his church, busy with activities at his retirement home. He took his daughters on an Alaskan cruise about a year ago. He was a good son, a good brother, a good husband, a good father, a good uncle, a good friend - a good man.
Now - I have raised men. I pray that they will also be good men - good husbands and fathers and brothers, and sons. I pray a lot for them, and always have. I pray that they too will leave this a world a better place than when they entered it. I pray that they will be larger than life men, who know what is important, who leave a legacy of godliness in ways that cannot be measured except by the blessings they leave in the lives of the people they touch. It's a big order, I know, but I have seen a few good men - and I know God can answer that prayer.
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