It is truly a question of gigantic total self absorbed proportions, but I have been asking myself often these days, who am I? Almost from the beginning of my life (in terms of what I can remember!) I have defined myself by what I have done or who I belonged to. With the passing of time, and as I travel the loop that is taking me through the Autumn of my life, belonging and doing don't seem to be so relevant anymore. Maybe that's because as we get older, life changes - so much. I'm trying to figure out exactly where I fit in and what kind of a difference I am supposed to be making and where? It was much easier when those roles were well defined by childhood, motherhood, teacher-hood, and even in terms of friendships. I like it when life is well defined! Maybe one of the benefits of age and wisdom is the ability to make a difference when the ducks aren't all in a row, the lines are not all that clear, when things get a bit fuzzy; when children grow up, parents age, jobs and friends change. It's definitely a walk of faith. But, the things that still bring exquisite joy to my heart are the same:
Marriage - Falling asleep on the couch with my husband after dinner out and a movie at home. I like, after all these years, pounds, and wrinkles, that we are still friends, and he still finds me beautiful.
Grandparenting - Seeing my grandbabies. Period.
Random - One of my former Kindermusik students, passing me in the hallway at church on his way to his 1st grade class, gave me a big smile and wave and said "I still miss you!" Wow - I needed that verbal hug. And, I miss him too.
Investments - Two former students who made the high school all state choir are in Tulsa this weekend (wish I was there too) and have written me short notes of pure joy. I know exactly how they feel and why. They would love for me to be there. I love that they would love for me to be there. I wish, how I wish, I could be there.
My children - My brother sent me a video he took of my youngest son singing Jesus Loves Me when he was two. He's twenty two now. But, my mother's heart hasn't changed a bit. He's every bit that innocent two year old to me - still.
My Savior - Maybe the Lord wants to delight my heart with new things. Maybe, He's waiting for me to let go of old things. Maybe, it's time to grow up and see the world around me in a new light. Maybe, it's not all about me. Maybe it's time to listen - and hear a new song.
Mark singing Jesus Loves Me - July 3, 1989
Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
If I Could Do Things Over.......
I have reached the stage in life where my children are grown, and the grandchildren ranks are growing. Even though I always vowed when I was younger I would not do this, when I look back at my life as a young mom I see things I wish I would have done differently, or at least been more aware of. It's a mom thing - we never can get away from those feelings. Recently I was visiting my daughter, who is a very dedicated and wonderful stay at home mom of three little boys. I think she does an amazing job of being consistent and faithful to the task of raising those little ones to be good boys and someday, good men. But, like every young mom, she never feels quite adequate for the job (feelings I well remember - and still feel.) She asked me to be honest with her, what do I see that she could be doing differently, what area is she missing - or not giving enough attention to? I couldn't think of anything, really. Every time I am with her I see what a difficult job, physically and emotionally, being a young mom is - and how much I have forgotten about that over the years! I always come away amazed that she still looks beautiful, more beautiful than ever, has a well kept home, boys that are well mannered and sweet (even at 3 1/2 and 18 months), is scheduled and consistent - and very diligent. So - no, I couldn't think of anything to say to her - how could one ever be critical of a hero?
On the other hand, time has a way of putting things in perspective for all of us. My daughter's question made me think and evaluate, not so much about her parenting style, but my own. So, here are some of those life lessons learned through the classroom of time and experience about parenting and children. If I Could Go Back and Do Things Over, I would:
1) Pick my battles. I really mean that. Sometimes it's alright to not win.
2) Celebrate the strong willed child. Just because a child is strong willed doesn't mean that he or she is going to become a bank robber, drug addict, or bum.
They are most equipped to withstand peer pressure when the time comes, and explore new ideas and territory. They truly are willing to travel their own road. They tend to become our leaders. (And make us feel totally incompetent as parents!)
3) Laugh a a lot more. Most turmoil and conflict can be diffused with humor. And, most things just are not that important. Life really can be more fun than we allow it to be sometimes. (I learned that from watching my husband all these years.)
4) Live in the moment. Life is made up of moments, some very small, but mean absolutely everything - a look, a smile, a hand, a hug, a word, a dance, an act, a moment. What keeps us from living in the moment? Cell phones, i-phones, newpapers, books, computers, hobbies, being preoccupied with our own stuff. Really look at that little one - not past him or her.
5) Not compare my children with my friend's children in any area of life and in any stage of life.
6) Not forget my middle child. Yes, this is the child who was left at church because we thought the other person had them in the car to go home. Our quiet, unassuming middle child would slip away and play quietly somewhere - we didn't know where, because he was so QUIET! I will always feel terrible about that - and yes, the middle child has feelings and talents and goals and ideas and opinions that often we don't know because they like to go with the flow and not make any waves - until such time as they are tired of being neglected so they join the army when the country is at war - and are sent to Afghanistan. Don't neglect the middle child.
7) Play more games. Not read more books, play more games. I don't enjoy games, especially the never ending Candy Land. But, especially when the youngest child wants to play a game and you are tired of playing 1,000,000 games of Candy Land - play it.
8) Pray more. I don't think we ever feel that we pray enough - but no one needs prayer more or needs to pray more than a young mom raising the next generation of mankind.
Go hug a young mom today. No one needs it more. Except maybe, an old one.
Happy New Year!
On the other hand, time has a way of putting things in perspective for all of us. My daughter's question made me think and evaluate, not so much about her parenting style, but my own. So, here are some of those life lessons learned through the classroom of time and experience about parenting and children. If I Could Go Back and Do Things Over, I would:
1) Pick my battles. I really mean that. Sometimes it's alright to not win.
2) Celebrate the strong willed child. Just because a child is strong willed doesn't mean that he or she is going to become a bank robber, drug addict, or bum.
They are most equipped to withstand peer pressure when the time comes, and explore new ideas and territory. They truly are willing to travel their own road. They tend to become our leaders. (And make us feel totally incompetent as parents!)
3) Laugh a a lot more. Most turmoil and conflict can be diffused with humor. And, most things just are not that important. Life really can be more fun than we allow it to be sometimes. (I learned that from watching my husband all these years.)
4) Live in the moment. Life is made up of moments, some very small, but mean absolutely everything - a look, a smile, a hand, a hug, a word, a dance, an act, a moment. What keeps us from living in the moment? Cell phones, i-phones, newpapers, books, computers, hobbies, being preoccupied with our own stuff. Really look at that little one - not past him or her.
5) Not compare my children with my friend's children in any area of life and in any stage of life.
6) Not forget my middle child. Yes, this is the child who was left at church because we thought the other person had them in the car to go home. Our quiet, unassuming middle child would slip away and play quietly somewhere - we didn't know where, because he was so QUIET! I will always feel terrible about that - and yes, the middle child has feelings and talents and goals and ideas and opinions that often we don't know because they like to go with the flow and not make any waves - until such time as they are tired of being neglected so they join the army when the country is at war - and are sent to Afghanistan. Don't neglect the middle child.
7) Play more games. Not read more books, play more games. I don't enjoy games, especially the never ending Candy Land. But, especially when the youngest child wants to play a game and you are tired of playing 1,000,000 games of Candy Land - play it.
8) Pray more. I don't think we ever feel that we pray enough - but no one needs prayer more or needs to pray more than a young mom raising the next generation of mankind.
Go hug a young mom today. No one needs it more. Except maybe, an old one.
Happy New Year!
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