Who Am I?

It is truly a question of gigantic total self absorbed proportions, but I have been asking myself often these days, who am I? Almost from the beginning of my life (in terms of what I can remember!) I have defined myself by what I have done or who I belonged to. With the passing of time, and as I travel the loop that is taking me through the Autumn of my life, belonging and doing don't seem to be so relevant anymore. Maybe that's because as we get older, life changes - so much. I'm trying to figure out exactly where I fit in and what kind of a difference I am supposed to be making and where? It was much easier when those roles were well defined by childhood, motherhood, teacher-hood, and even in terms of friendships. I like it when life is well defined! Maybe one of the benefits of age and wisdom is the ability to make a difference when the ducks aren't all in a row, the lines are not all that clear, when things get a bit fuzzy; when children grow up, parents age, jobs and friends change. It's definitely a walk of faith. But, the things that still bring exquisite joy to my heart are the same:

Marriage - Falling asleep on the couch with my husband after dinner out and a movie at home. I like, after all these years, pounds, and wrinkles, that we are still friends, and he still finds me beautiful.

Grandparenting - Seeing my grandbabies. Period.

Random - One of my former Kindermusik students, passing me in the hallway at church on his way to his 1st grade class, gave me a big smile and wave and said "I still miss you!" Wow - I needed that verbal hug. And, I miss him too.

Investments - Two former students who made the high school all state choir are in Tulsa this weekend (wish I was there too) and have written me short notes of pure joy. I know exactly how they feel and why. They would love for me to be there. I love that they would love for me to be there. I wish, how I wish, I could be there.

My children - My brother sent me a video he took of my youngest son singing Jesus Loves Me when he was two. He's twenty two now. But, my mother's heart hasn't changed a bit. He's every bit that innocent two year old to me - still.

My Savior - Maybe the Lord wants to delight my heart with new things. Maybe, He's waiting for me to let go of old things. Maybe, it's time to grow up and see the world around me in a new light. Maybe, it's not all about me. Maybe it's time to listen - and hear a new song.

Mark singing Jesus Loves Me - July 3, 1989