If I Could Do Things Over.......

I have reached the stage in life where my children are grown, and the grandchildren ranks are growing. Even though I always vowed when I was younger I would not do this, when I look back at my life as a young mom I see things I wish I would have done differently, or at least been more aware of. It's a mom thing - we never can get away from those feelings. Recently I was visiting my daughter, who is a very dedicated and wonderful stay at home mom of three little boys. I think she does an amazing job of being consistent and faithful to the task of raising those little ones to be good boys and someday, good men. But, like every young mom, she never feels quite adequate for the job (feelings I well remember - and still feel.) She asked me to be honest with her, what do I see that she could be doing differently, what area is she missing - or not giving enough attention to? I couldn't think of anything, really. Every time I am with her I see what a difficult job, physically and emotionally, being a young mom is - and how much I have forgotten about that over the years! I always come away amazed that she still looks beautiful, more beautiful than ever, has a well kept home, boys that are well mannered and sweet (even at 3 1/2 and 18 months), is scheduled and consistent - and very diligent. So - no, I couldn't think of anything to say to her - how could one ever be critical of a hero?

On the other hand, time has a way of putting things in perspective for all of us. My daughter's question made me think and evaluate, not so much about her parenting style, but my own. So, here are some of those life lessons learned through the classroom of time and experience about parenting and children. If I Could Go Back and Do Things Over, I would:

1) Pick my battles. I really mean that. Sometimes it's alright to not win.

2) Celebrate the strong willed child. Just because a child is strong willed doesn't mean that he or she is going to become a bank robber, drug addict, or bum.
They are most equipped to withstand peer pressure when the time comes, and explore new ideas and territory. They truly are willing to travel their own road. They tend to become our leaders. (And make us feel totally incompetent as parents!)

3) Laugh a a lot more. Most turmoil and conflict can be diffused with humor. And, most things just are not that important. Life really can be more fun than we allow it to be sometimes. (I learned that from watching my husband all these years.)

4) Live in the moment. Life is made up of moments, some very small, but mean absolutely everything - a look, a smile, a hand, a hug, a word, a dance, an act, a moment. What keeps us from living in the moment? Cell phones, i-phones, newpapers, books, computers, hobbies, being preoccupied with our own stuff. Really look at that little one - not past him or her.

5) Not compare my children with my friend's children in any area of life and in any stage of life.

6) Not forget my middle child. Yes, this is the child who was left at church because we thought the other person had them in the car to go home. Our quiet, unassuming middle child would slip away and play quietly somewhere - we didn't know where, because he was so QUIET! I will always feel terrible about that - and yes, the middle child has feelings and talents and goals and ideas and opinions that often we don't know because they like to go with the flow and not make any waves - until such time as they are tired of being neglected so they join the army when the country is at war - and are sent to Afghanistan. Don't neglect the middle child.

7) Play more games. Not read more books, play more games. I don't enjoy games, especially the never ending Candy Land. But, especially when the youngest child wants to play a game and you are tired of playing 1,000,000 games of Candy Land - play it.

8) Pray more. I don't think we ever feel that we pray enough - but no one needs prayer more or needs to pray more than a young mom raising the next generation of mankind.

Go hug a young mom today. No one needs it more. Except maybe, an old one.

Happy New Year!